Scripts
“Scripts” is a poem I wrote when my addiction issues were first starting to get bad. A video of this poem being read aloud is available in the Spoken Word section of this website. Originally written in December of 2020.
When did I go
From living to zombie?
Everything monochrome.
I think this is sad
But I can’t think
Enough to recall
What sad is.
Cut me up
And I won’t feel it.
Go ahead if you want.
I can’t tell whether
I’m writing words
Or zoned out.
Everything feels the same.
I’m so nonexistent
That not even a blade
Cutting through my skin
Or the fast blood dripping
Onto the floor
Can cut through the haze
I’m feeling.
“You’re gonna die”
A kid taunts me.
Wait, I thought
I was alone,
In my room
Late at night?
My head flops forward
Its shadow casted
In the light
Of the lamp.
I try to say words.
“Scram, kid.”
“Get the fuck out my room.”
Why are those words
So slurred?
The kid looks right through me,
Laughs like he’s insane.
Oh, wait,
I’m insane
Because this kid
Isn’t really real
And I’m all alone.
“Get out my mind,”
I tell that kid.
But then I realize
I’m not even speaking
Because I forgot
How to move my lips.
I lean back,
But wait I—
I can’t control
My body
And it just kind of
Falls back
And my head hits
The wall.
I land
On the floor,
Face down.
Now I can’t really see
Anything at all
But I can see a pill bottle,
Open and empty
And also the case
Where I hide more of them
Is empty too
So I guess that’s why—
Why I’m feeling this
Paralyzed, zombie
Feeling.
I can’t think
My thoughts are
Blocked.
I can’t move
My body is
Dead
So I lie
On the floor
Until I fall asleep
To a sleep
That I might never wake up from.
-Graphite Everything
